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[noassgardian]

[TEXT | AUDIO | VIDEO]

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[ikols]

[ Pinching his brow, another hand finds a hip. ]

A long term Friends With Benefits situation, which I might not be in the right frame of mind to uphold in the future. I'm an exile, Thor and all of Asgard has disowned me, and the All-Mother and my evil future-self have been conspiring to turn me into a sociopathic monster — I don't think I'm really at a place in my life where I can do the dates-and-romance thing.

[ This is all 9000 levels of awkward. ]

I ... can't imagine I will be for a while. Not like that. [ The face on the window, the rain-streaked scream ... In a harder voice, he cements any doubt. ] I know I'm not ready for that sort of commitment.

[noassgardian]

Oh, well... [Ugh, how did this go so wrong.] The point still stands, Loki. Not the time to do stuff like that.

[wow, this is so awkward. Can they just go back in time a little bit?]

That was the most awkward kiss I've ever had, by the way. Congratulations.

[ikols]

[ Opening his mouth to say I could show you better, he visibly closes it after a moment and spins slowly back to the food. ]

We-eee should eat.

[ Finding the cutlery, he offers Billy a plate and very studiously doesn't look up while taking his own to the lounge, rubbing the back of his head. ]

[noassgardian]

[Yes, food. Good. He takes his own plate and, after a few minutes, he follows. Since eating in separate rooms would be... even more awkward.]

Do you want something to drink? Soda, water... I have beer too, if you prefer.

[He figured he might as well keep it stocked since he knew people who drank it often enough.]

[ikols]

Water, please. Why don't you dredge up one of those pressing questions on Asgard I'm sure you have lingering on the back-burner?

[ Seating himself on the couch, he tucks into his meal so he can give himself an excuse to avoid talking. ]

[noassgardian]

Yeah... okay.

[Water it is. He puts his own plate down long enough to grab two glasses and some ice.

Suddenly, even the prospect of Norse talk really wasn't putting much of a damper on the awkwardness. Still, he puts Loki's water down beside him and settles himself on the other end of the couch to eat.

At least the food is good.]

... So, which is the most inaccurate myth you've read?

[ikols]

[ His chewing slows until he swallows, tonguing rice from his molars. ]

Ah. I suppose, in a way, the one about Hela being my biological daughter ... nowadays. That story has been somewhat altered. Literally.

[noassgardian]

Really. Do I want to know the story behind that one?

[He shifts a bit, if only to face Loki just a little bit more while they talk.]

[ikols]

The real question is do you want to know the story behind any of these stories. I'm just the Norse god guy here to eat broccoli.

[ Waving his fork, an internal debate goes on for a couple of seconds on how to approach the matter. ]

The Hela thing involves a lot of timey-wimey business.

[noassgardian]

Of course I want to know the actual story. It's interesting. [He smiles slightly.] Of course if you'd rather not get into it right now... we can just watch TV or something.

[He shakes his head.]

Not surprised considering it's you.

[ikols]

Meh, TV. It's fine, let's see ...

Hela once lost her hand and in its place she created a Handmaiden. Leah, as she was called, went on a series of adventures with the Boy and they became fast friends. Best friends. [ A small smile wavers, wry and guilty, but it doesn't last long because he has a story to tell. ] After a bunch of these thrilling escapades, there came a time when the Boy wrote about Leah in a book, inserting her history into its pages and rewriting reality for a particular series of events that needed to come to pass, only he wrote poorly and without flushing her character out. Not long after, they helped restore Hela's hand, and the Boy lost his best friend as she returned to her mistress in the form of raw power.

[ Pushing his food around, he takes a sip of water and continues. ]

Some time later, when Surtur of Muspelheim went a little nuts (on not the first occasion) and manipulated a new line of deities called the Manchester gods into his service, the Boy's efforts of thwarting were themselves thwarted by the return of Leah, only she wasn't the original. She was the girl from the story he had written and she was furious with him for forcing her into a role with no freedom.

For the gods are stories come to life, our fates are usually what they have ever been. To be someone you don't like is ... not a heap of laughs.

[ Unless one feels like breaking out, ahem. ]

The Boy had two options: to save the world or his best friend. He chose the latter, going back in time to add more and more to her story but ultimately giving Leah the chance to choose her own destiny, a great gift. Their reunion in the present was of much embracing and they fooled the All-Father into banishing Surtur's skanky ass where it belonged.

But all was not well, for there was a magpie. A magpie who whispered in the boy's ear, a horrible creature. [ Rubbing the pad of his thumb against his fork, Loki goes on evenly. ] There came a time when the magpie, a copy of an old wretch's soul, blackmailed the Boy into destroying himself because it had been created for that very purpose and knew nothing of freedom. It, like Leah, had been given a role to play, and it did so to the letter in allowing the Boy to bid farewell to his loved ones first.

And that is how the Child Who Was Loki journeyed to Hel to ask its mistress, Queen Hela of the Dead, to send Leah Who Began As A Story into the far distant past where the monster who would consume his body could never reach her, not ever, not even if he tried with all his might. Leah was cast into the ancient past, into a time before time, without explanation from the Boy who could not understand what he had done in creating Hela before anything else, building the foundations for a friendship that the monster had already experienced because of the Boy's protective measures taking effect; a friendship that Leah could not help but form after having missed her Boy for so long, growing close with him until she would become the Queen of Hel again.

"For the gods are stories", aye, and we must be what we must be. Ninety-nine percent of the time, anyway. Broken records, Norse-style.

[noassgardian]

[Billy listens quietly to the story -- not quite the way he listened to his dad when he read him myths from his books. Then, the stories were almost magical, fantastic. They were epic stories.

And while Loki insisted that's what he was, he was more real than words in a book or tales his dad had memorized by heart.

It was interesting and fantastic... but it held weight knowing that Loki was telling about himself, about what he'd done.

He's quiet as he takes another bite of his food, thoughtful.]

Your existence is pretty complicated. [He pauses.] And there's a lot less enjoyment in these stories when you know they're real. But that's something I've noticed a lot lately... since meeting people I thought really were just fictional.

[Robb Stark, Captain Kirk... probably a lot more running around too, he wasn't sure.]

[ikols]

[ Complicated is an understatement, one which makes him chuckle. Billy is a good audience. ]

Tell me about it, I'm walking on eggshells around Robb Stark in case I put the words 'red' and 'wedding' together.

[noassgardian]

Exactly. He asked me what the books say about him and I just... froze. I can't tell someone they die like that.

[He lets out a soft laugh that's hardly really happy or amused at all. His life has gotten so weird since coming here... and that's saying something after running around the multiverse for so long.]

[ikols]

Don't tell him unless he asks and if he does then tell him everything. Better he knows enough to live a full life here, if he wishes to, than to waste the extra time afforded by this city.

I was going to ask him out to dinner.

[ Heh. ]

[noassgardian]

Maybe... Or maybe he'll go find the books himself. Either way, it's probably not going to be pretty.

[Loki.]

Of course you are. What makes you think he's interested?

[ikols]

Just tell him his life's history has been chronicled, and to avoid any books with certain titles. [ Munching away. ] And nothing tells me he's not interested.

[noassgardian]

Yeah, he knows he's in... history books. He thinks I'm from a modern Westeros, I think. [He tried to explain, okay. He snorts at Loki's answer, smiling slightly.]

You're horrible.

[ikols]

Why? He's handsome, we know he's not a psychopath, just sort of recklessly and honourably dumb. That's no different to most of Asgardia.

[ Ain't even sorry, Billy!! ]

Also the fur. I do love authentic fluff against the skin.

[ As if that wasn't already obvious with the coat he usually wears. ]

[noassgardian]

He's definitely all those things, yeah.

[Especially handsome. Oops.

... Wait.]

Loki, this isn't going to turn into another description like the mask kiss, is it? [He lets out a sigh.]

You know, you might be able to make money writing 50 Shades of Grey-level erotica.

[Okay, no. Loki could probably write better than that.]

[ikols]

I already write fan fiction, I'll have you know. Some of it ... wasn't so great, but now I have quite the number of followers!

[ Yeeeeeaaaa boi. ]

[noassgardian]

Wait. What?

[Oh my god, he was joking, Loki.]

What sort of fan fiction?

[If it's Captain America/Loki stuff...]

[ikols]

[ Digging out his Starkphone, he scrolls to the webpage of his fanfic account. There's a number of Loki/Sif, Bill/Kelda, Aphrodite/Sif and Ares/Fandral on there. Oops. ]

Knock yourself out.

[noassgardian]

[Oh no.

Loki, why.]

You're unbelievable.

[ikols]

You haven't even read any of it yet! At least leave concrit. [ Waving his fork!! ] Don't blame with flames, Billy Kaplan.